Lets Talk.... Awareness Month
Tread lightly friends, this won't be an easy one to share. As we rolled into the start of September, it is a very hard month for me personally to dive into. What is so sad about September when there is Pumpkin Spice to look forward to? First, I think pumpkin spice isn't really all that nice. Give me cinnamon maybe - MAYBE - pecan pie. Back to the subject at hand here, September Awareness. January 2015, I found out I was pregnant, 9 months later would put my due date in September. I miscarried in March, but this isn't a miscarrigae story I am sharing today. Being frank here, I didn't process this life event healthily, and honestly I didn't process any of my traumatic life events in a healthy manner, hence the blog.
It started out being in a toxic relationship with an abusive, cheating, drug using, alcohol addicted (now) ex boyfriend. One evening during an one of many arguments, he looked me straight in the eyes and to spare details, he didn't say anything kind and said I was better off.... That evening I went home, already dealing with severe anxiety, panic attacks, depression... I attempted suicide. Obviously I lived, and you'd think that after a first attempt, a miscarriage, and more abuse, I would have eventually crossed paths with someone able to help. Instead I packed everything I owned into my car and moved out of town. I couldn't go through the process of healing. I would love to say things got brighter, the sun shined beating rays of happiness, and that I moved on and life was beautiful. Instead I fell back into a stream of unhealthy relationships, friendships, boyfriends... putting up with a company that didn't care about their employees (my co-workers were amazing and were the reason I stayed so long), and I kept just taking one thing after another. Until I broke. Another attempt, another set of rounds of hospitals NOT actually helping. As I sat down to share this, I had to wonder what else is NOT spoken about in September that needs "Awareness" brought to it? After all this is a blog about "Adult-ing". With all that being said, Lets Talk - September Awareness month.
This is where it gets tricky, there is Awareness Month, but in the month there is only dedicated weeks to certain subjects. Then it gets very wild because different subjects are regonziced at different times throughout the nations. So for reasons being, I am calling it Awareness Month from the little amount of research I’ve done. I can't say I got them all or that these are the only ones of importance, but here are the ones I found and know of. September Awareness (I have altered some of them below, due to personally not liking the specific title of day or week, it should be in general awareness month.
Blood Cancer Awareness Month
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month
Healthy Aging Month
Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month
Pain Awareness Month
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) Month
Prostate Cancer Awareness Month
Sepsis Awareness Month
Sexual Health Awareness Month
Sports Eye Safety Month
Usher Syndrome Awareness
National Suicide Prevention
World Suicide Prevention
National Celiac Disease Awareness
National School Backpack Awareness
National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness
Sport Purple for Platelets
National Women’s Health and Fitness
What I can share is, I am more bothered at the fact it is a "certain" day or only 1 week out of the whole month for most of these issues listed above, so let's bring more awareness to it. There are also some of these that are just NOT more commonly talked about and why, people shy from it! All of these are hard topics to discuss, and it’s because it's uncomfortable and hard! Also, people think that if it isn't happening to them, why talk about it? Because, "it really isn't that big of a deal". UGHHHH! Clearly, I can't speak for everything on this list (I found at healthline.com), or everyone who has dealt/is dealing with these issues. I actually went to the Gov. Health list and many important subjects weren't on there.... Point being, suicide it a BIG topic. It needs to be talked about, it needs to be known, and their stories and experiences need to be shared! I can't even begin to express with you what my family went through, the pain or hurt... but I can share mine and I can share the response that caused more damage in my perspective. I know comments are said unintentionally and everyone processes traumatic events in their own way, but those comments shouldn’t be said, and it’s traumatic events don’t just go away. Leading up to the time I did attempt suicide, I was going through heartache. NOT a heartbreak. It wasn't about a relationship, it was literally that this person had power behind their words that made me question everything. So a low self confidence to begin with, co-dependency issues, confusion, I was overwhelmed, I had unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I had little to no support from anyone, not even a genuine therapist or doctor. Comments that were said throughout my experience include: ~Your life isn't bad ~You should be grateful ~You are always smiling and happy ~Why didn't you say anything ~This is just you wanting attention ~Do you not care about your family ~Why would you do this to me ~You can't run away from your problems ~If you really wanted to, you'd done it the right way. ~You are being selfish, you did it to yourself When a person gets soooo low feeling in life, and then continues to be handed rotten lemons, what feels like constantly, then looks for support, either gets dismissed, degraded, suppressed, etc., things only get harder. For me, I was often in a dark, pitch black room, spinning plates on a stick, running around and around, stuffing emotions further and further into this room. Then, trying not to break any plate, pleasing this side, making money for this, expectations over here. Eventually, I was left sitting in a pile of broken plates, no light, and feeling ALONE. Most would say, oh well you weren't alone, UGH - just add this comment to the list. I have a rebuttal for every comment above, because until it is you feeling like that is your only answer, the last resort, no escape, no recovering, you wont understand, nor should you try. I didn't come out of this blaming someone saying it's his, their, or so and so's fault. The only real perspective I can share is, choose your words carefully even in anger, when you ask someone how they are doing - LISTEN, and know your own boundaries. I know the hurt I put on my family and friends, I wasn't oblivious, but I was internally hurting so badly that it felt like I was suffocating. For those of you feeling heavy hearted please know there are a great number or resources to utilize. We aren't experts, and everyone is different and has a different mindset. If you are feeling unheard please don't feel ashamed of asking for help, a hug, a hand, no matter what you might be going through in life, no matter how alone you feel. For now, go dance it out, pump up some loud music, sing out your heart, read a good book, do some yoga, go for a run, paint your walls, take a bath, watch a funny or sad movie, bake some cookies, - WHATEVER works for you! If you don't know what works, IT IS OKAY to ask! I promise you, it’s okay not to be okay! Until next time friends, CHEERS!